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Humor, Jokes, Comedy, Pranks, Fun, Wit, Sense of Humor
      Everyone remembers some funny situations that you observed in your youth!  Perhaps you were just an observer or a willing participant in a prank played on another.  Maybe you were the "butt" of the joke or perhaps you were the "jokester."

     Growing up can be tough and demanding sometimes, and this occasionally leads to mischief.  Some view non-malicious pranks as just having fun.  Almost everyone accepts good-hearted fun.  The definition of good-hearted may depend on whether you are the jokester or the recipient of a joke or prank. 

     Real stories are sometimes humorous to some but not funny to others.  Some say that being able to laugh at yourself is a key to staying in harmony with others, and that laughter is a great healing tool.

     What didn't seem funny at the time might seem funny now as you reflect back on when a "humorous" situation occurred.  You may have observed the situation as a child or an adult.  Humor can be found in everyday situations, even if it is unintended.

     Jokes and stories, real or imagined, help us "take a break" from a stressful day.  Hopefully, nobody gets hurt or offended and accepts the joke for what it is--a joke.   Jokes or pranks meant to hurt or damage a person just aren't funny. 

     We hear all kinds of funny stories that supposedly happened.  Sometimes the story has some basis in the truth but has been embellished over the years.  Joke tellers sometimes exaggerate and customize the joke to make it fit a person or situation.

     We all occasionally do dumb things, and the ability to laugh at yourself is just showing that we are human and can appreciate our own stupidity or mistakes.  Life is too short to be serious all the time, and laughter is one of the best medicines.

Jokes

~from Kindergarten to College...
More jokes start below this introduction!
JOKES  Some elementary, secondary and college jokes.
A few letters make a difference

A first grade teacher told the principal about a parent phone call after she returned from an absence.  The district hired a substitute teacher to fill in for several days.

"The parent said that she is happy I am back from the illness, and hoped I would not be out again soon.  Her son told her he had a 'prostitute' teacher while I was out."

***


It's not always what it seems.

Charlie, a bright little boy who loved animals, was learning to read.  The boy's father had been reading to Charlie, and the mother would hear the two laughing loudly.  This made the mother curious as to what was so funny.

Later that day the boy picked up an animal book and started reading to his mother.  First, he read about tigers, lions and giraffes. Then he yelled, pointed and said what sounded like "a fricken elephant."  The mother was shocked at what her son said, and wondered what her husband taught the boy.

A little while later the red-faced mom asked her son, "Where did you learn to talk like that?"

Charlie said, "In my animal book."  The mother looked at what her son had been reading, and she turned to the page with elephants and saw the picture caption:   African Elephant.


***

A mother went in to wake up her son.

"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"

"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."

"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."

"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me!"

"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."

"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."

"Well, you are 45 years old, and you're the PRINCIPAL!"


***

Teacher: Why are you late, Scott?

Scott: Because of a sign down the road.

Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?

Scott: The sign said, "Slow Down, School Ahead!"

***

Teacher:  "I broke my leg in two places."

Student:  "You should quit going to those places."

***

A middle school was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the restroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.  He called a few "suspects" into the restroom along with the custodian. He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, he asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. She took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror.

Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror!

***

"I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends. "First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy."

"Wow! How did you pull through?" sympathized his friends.

"I don't know," the boy replied. "Toughest spelling test I ever had."

***

TEACHER:  How do YOU spell cat?

PHIL:  k-a-t

TEACHER:  The dictionary spells it c-a-t

PHIL:  But you asked how I spelled it! 

***

The graduate with a bachelor's degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with a master's degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with a Ph.D. asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with a mail order/online degree asks, "Do you want fries with that burger?"


***


A student goes to her professor's office.  She walks in the office and closes the door.

"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans close to him, flips back her hair, gazes into his eyes. "I mean" she whispers, "I would do... anything."

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

She replies, "Anything."

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you, study?"

***

There was a college where the students operated an "online index" of term papers and other homework assignments. There were papers for all topics. Since it would look odd if an average student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade, B grade, and C grade.

One "average" student, who had spent the weekend partying, went to the "index"and downloaded a "C" paper.  He then cut and pasted it and turned  it in.

The following week he received it back with the professor's comments.

"I wrote this paper myself ten years ago.  I always thought it was worth an A, and now I'm pleased to give it one!"

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
                                           ~Mark Twain                                                                               
A man goes to the local supermarket and notices a beautiful woman smiling and waving to him in the produce aisle.  He's mystified because he can't place her.

So he says, "Do you know me?"

To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

He now panics and tries to remember any possible indiscretions he might have had over the years. The only thing he can think of was an incident that happened before he got married.

He said, "Are you the girl from my bachelor party?"

She looked into his eyes and calmly said, "No, I'm your son's social studies teacher."

***

"My problems all started with my early education. I went to a school for mentally disturbed teachers."
                                                                                                                           ~Woody Allen

***

A science teacher wanted to teach his 6th grade class a lesson about the "evils" of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe the worms closely," said the teacher putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a door nail.

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the teacher asked.

One student raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

***

Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you?
Student: Not very much!

Teacher: When you yawn, you're supposed to put your hand to your mouth!
Student: What and get bitten?

Teacher: What's big, yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mother's day?
Student: The school bus!
Humor Makes  My  Day!
Teacher: Give me two pronouns.
Student:  "WHO ME?"
Principal
Huh?
A+
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